A Short Story About Joe and His Axe

Joe was a very impatient man. That is why, as he sat in the unmoving afternoon traffic, he screamed at the top of his lungs and banged his head into his horn several times. And as a couple of cars behind him FIRED back with their response, it took every ounce of Joe's strength to stop himself from jumping out of his car in a rage. To calm himself, he took out a small container filled with CANNED peaches. He slurped them down. And DISMISSED the sounding horns behind him. Joe was late for his 5 o'clock appointment at the museum. The ancient Egypt exhibit was being UNINSTALLED today and was being replaced with "weapons of the great west". If he did not get to the museum before 5pm, he would lose out on the deal of a lifetime. He had only yesterday received a very important artifact from England - dating back to the middle ages - an axe with a beautiful jeweled handle. He GOT THE AXE from his good friend, Nigel, who lived in Liverpool. Where Nigel found the axe, Joe hadn't a clue - and didn't care. Nigel had owed him this favor for a while and Joe was thankful he had finally come through.

Joe was hopeful that, this time, the museum director would see him. For last time, he was SENT AWAY, immediately, when the director heard who it was. Joe was not very popular at the museum. Once, he had brought (what he had thought to be) a very ancient stone tablet he had SACKED from Iraq. But it had turned out to be a fake and he was nearly FORCED OUT of the business. Although he was ASKED TO LEAVE AND TO NEVER COME BACK, his resolve was never TERMINATED. He was coming back strong with this one.

The traffic started to pick up speed and Joe let out a sigh. He sucked back in when a car swerved in front of him and slowed down. Joe REMOVED his hand from the gear shift and planted his hand firmly into his horn. And held it there - hoping the very slow elderly idiot would get a clue. When the car finally veered off into the other lane, he LAID OFF the horn.

He had 10 minutes. He was definitely going to make it. He glanced at his back seat quickly to make sure the axe was ok - to gain a little more confidence that was lost in the traffic. But the axe was not there. He looked quickly to his front seat. And the axe was not there either. Joe slammed on his brakes - in the middle lane, on the highway, going about 60 mph . . . Two cars behind him swerved wildly to miss him. One barely missed. The other smacked his back bumper sending Joe's car spinning. He spun into the left lane and into an SUV that smashed into a concrete wall. Two more cars hit the SUV. And three more hit the two next to the SUV. Then a Semi truck - jackknifing- barreled into the last car behind the two cars next to what was left of the SUV . . . And as Joe slowly moved his head away from the deployed air bag and looked around dazed as the horror around him came into focus, he noticed a small package lying in the lane next to him, underneath a nearly flattened Hyundai Sonata. A small package containing an axe with a beautiful, jeweled handle - dating back to the middle ages - that had flung off of the roof of his car when he slammed on his brakes in the middle lane, on the highway, going about 60 mph.

Poor Joe.

Meanwhile. . . back at the mansion, Alex steps out with his bald head gleaming in the summer sun,"Ok, no more sweeping or anything now Brad. We hired someone to do that. Um, just stand in that corner until you leave. In fact, since your vacation starts next week thursday - why don't you leave now. That way, we won't have to give you your vacation. So leave now or at the end of the week. Think of all the money we'll save! Thank you, Brad. Good bye."

Poor Brad.